3 one-liners to deliver right before shooting someone in the nose

1) “Time to blow your nose… off!”

2) “Now it’s there, now it… snot.”

My personal favorite:

3) “Nose… Goes.”

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More College Life Vignettes

This year, like the last one, I’m the PR intern in charge of enlightening my college’s entire student body about recent news on a weekly basis. And just like before, I get to open with an entertaining paragraph about whatever I feel like. Here’s the Fall 2013 semester so far.

You know it's a quality college when it's got that weathered, old-photo look.

You know it’s a quality college when it’s got that weathered, old-photo look.

Week 1

Fall semester is in full swing.

That’s right, students have returned and classes are underway. Academic Convocation will be on Friday, August 30 at 10 a.m. in the Field-house. Hopefully you’re ready for the busyness of the semester to begin! Because if you’re not, well, man, I don’t know what to say to you. This is FYI. I’m Adam Rowe, and I’ll be your electronic guide to the Geneva-related events and facts that you should care about on a weekly basis. For example, I’ll be telling you stuff like this.

Week 2

Hi all,

As the fall starts up, college has changed a little: offices have moved; professors have come and gone; and the Alex’s fruit basket has moved from near the desserts to near the silverware. It’s almost too much to process. Twice already I’ve walked towards the dessert in search of an apple. My neural paths haven’t accepted the change yet. Continue reading

List of possible titles for a sequel to my action hero poets film Poetic Justice

poetic justice

Poetic Justice II: Trouble at the Home Font

Poetic Justice II: Inde-font-sible

Poetic Justice II: The Sansof Time

Poetic Justice II: There’s a new Serif in Town.

Poetic Justice II: Courier New? I barely know her gnu!

Poetic Justice II: Apostrophe Catastrophe

Poetic Justice II: Punch-uation

Poetic Justice II: Badassonance

Poetic Justice II: The Last Stanza

Poetic Justice II: Take A Stanza

Poetic Justice II: Rhyme Harder

Poetic Justice II: Mora Kombat

Poetic Justice II: Quintain of Solace

Poetic Justice II: Esprit de l’escalier

Poetic Justice II: While the Irony’s Hot

Poetic Justice II: Heroic Couplet

Poetic Justice II: Stand For What’s Write

Poetic Justice II: The Metaphrast And The Furious.

Daily Notes

morguefile.com

via morguefile

I keep a Google Doc of notes. It’s bookmarked, and easy to open in a few seconds. As I’m browsing the internet and reading, mulling over, and considering various bits of knowledge, I’ll copy and paste a few interesting things into my document, or I’ll type out something interesting that I thought of. The idea is that I’ll be able to remember my random thoughts and return at a time when I can use them. Sometimes stories come out of reading past thoughts that I’ve had.

I’ve kept a series of documents, starting in freshman year of college — my current one is titled “Notes 4.” They’re each a full year long, and about 60 printed pages each. It’s like a moleskine for the internet traveler.

Here’s an example of what one day notes might look like. It’s a little more than normal, but not too rare.

8/3/13

The mold on this sauce pan has started developing a democratic society.

That’s just a random joke I thought of… I’ll probably stick it in an Emmett story. I always try to fit a lot of one-liners into them.

 

I like the phrase “get a grip” a lot. Fun to say, good advice… I should make it a theme in a story or something.

Yes I should. People like stories with themes. Themes are good. What a useful thought.

 

“The last time a girl stared at me like that, she was a cardboard shampoo display.”

Another random joke. This one’s inspired by reddit.com, where someone posted about mistaking the shampoo display for a real girl. I like the thought.

 

Emmett – the dog and the dinosaur

Dinosaurs are, according to science, related to birds by a distant common ancestor. It only makes sense that if someone decapitates a dinosaur like a chicken, it would keep running around just like a chicken. In this 2700-word story, three college friends chase after a missing link that is a lot more ‘missing’ than they’d like.

This is a blurb that I wrote for a magazine submission that I made today. I’m trying to some of my Emmett stories in magazines before I self-publish them. Once the first publication rights are gone, it’s a lot less likely that magazines will want to print my stories. And the more exposure the better. Anyway, this paragraph served as a quick cover letter, but it describes the hook of the story pretty well, so I’m keeping it. Maybe once I release this episode as a podcast, I can describe it in the blog post with this bit of copy. 

 

Emmett note: Reference the [REDACTED] as being responsible for the [REDACTED].

Hmm, sorry about that… I thought I could share all of my notes for the day, but this one’s kinda sensitive. My Emmett stories are a little serialized, and this might explain something cool about the ending that I just realized I can do. Anyway, I’ll fully explain this sometime in 2014. Heh. Anywayyy.

 

More sources for 70s scifi art: I only got through numbers 1-16. There’s ssooo much.

http://scifiartgreats.wordpress.com/2012/09/03/vincent-di-fate-art/

This is information for my tumblr account on 70s Sci-Fi Art. I found a sweet source for art by Vincent Di Fate, and I don’t want to forget it. I can return to it whenever I need to find some quick art to post. Almost to 500 followers! I’m excited.

 

 

My Imaginary Well-dressed Toddler Daughter

The best Pinterest feed ever:

My Imaginary Well-Dressed Toddler Daughter

It’s a bunch of pictures of well-dressed little kids being mocked with classiest jokes purportedly from a young girl named Quinoa. Examples:

iamtrend

“Mommy, tell me the story of Brooke Shields’ early career again while we walk in the sand.” – Quinoa

fashionforkids

While Chevron with her unfortunate perm and Barcelona with her exceptional perm dug through Chevron’s handbag for some goldfish crackers, Quinoa couldn’t help but wonder about the random injustices in life.

 

kidspic

One time when Quinoa and I got separated in a busy train station, she thankfully remembered our safety training: stay in one place, look spectacular, and don’t talk to poor people.

Introvert Conversations

I can’t wait until someone loses their phone and then explains that it was set to silent, so it can’t even be called. Then I can say “If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it.”

I also wish an escalator in a mall would malfunction and start shooting people up it really fast so that I can say “Well, that escalated quickly,” but, let’s face it, that’s a lot less likely to happen. Which is sad, because all the people shooting off the top of the escalator would look really funny.

There’s one more situation that I’m waiting to crack wise about: if my English teacher ever passes out in class, I’ll have the chance to say, “Well, I never expected to see a misplaced coma.”

This jokes are all the result of a major introvert hobby of mine: mapping out conversation in my head before, after, or during the actual conversation. It’s a pain, often, since it takes a lot out me when I’m interacting socially. I usually sound perfectly normal, but have a bunch of different conversational angles churning away in my brain, all hoping to be picked next.

On the upside, this means that I can come up with good facebook statuses.