Pitch Idea: Reign of Rudolph

reigndeer

Too normal. He’s the first to go.

You know Dasher and Dancer, et al. And you also know the greatest story of all, Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer. But do you know the sequel?

Forty years after his triumphant return, Rudolph has taken advantage of his status as Santa’s right-hand reindeer to rule the north pole. Rudolph is power-hungry. Permanently defined by the psychological torture he endured as a child, he believes that those different from him deserve a slow painful death, and so he institutes an apartheid directed towards all non-misfits.

Only a ragtag group of survivors stand against Rudolph’s iron-hoofed reign: an elderly elf with peppermint lung from his stint in the mines; Yoland, the last living Yeti; and our hero, a perfectly normal Jack-in-the-box — the disowned son of Charlie-in-the-box, Rudolph’s second-in-command. Together, they must track down the mysteriously withdrawn Santa Claus, the only man who can stand up to Rudolph. That is, if they can escape the Toy Factory first.

Also, there’s a scene where a troop of reindeer heil Rudolph with their antlers, because that’s funny.

Alternate title: “Reigndeer”

Book review: Lies of Locke Lamora

Lies-of-Locke-Lamora

I have never liked high fantasy — fantasy that takes place in world with no connection to our own. Inevitably, the author is in love with his world, and explains it endlessly, when none of it is completely original. Even Tolkien, who I admit to enjoying, based his own mythology heavily off of ancient Icelandic, Norse/Scandinavian, British, and a dash of German myths. Most of the rest are just influenced by him, with their orcs and tall, stately elves. It’s just not gripping to read about world-building unless it’s better than the average high fantasy writer makes it.

Luckily, Scott Lynch’s Lies of Locke Lamora is. Continue reading