NoiARRRRR, my film noir/pirate/buddy cop mashup film, has hit a snag: I’ve been too busy with this semester to plan out the entire thing, and it needs to be filmed by the end of this month. There’s not much time. It’s looking likely that I’ll have to rewrite the thing into a spoof trailer, rather than an actual film, and try to get that shot.
Regardless, I figured it couldn’t hurt to give you the first scene. Here’s the excerpt.
EXT. SHADOWY ALLEY – NIGHT
A lone figure stalks the street, fedora low on a dark face.
Everything that isn’t shadow is a lifeless sepia tint.
Dark, lonely nights. I like them.
They suit me. The mysteries I solve
are dark. I work alone. And I’m a
knight, fighting for justice in the
dark, lonely night of dark lonely
INT. SARGE’S OFFICE – DAY
The name’s Spade. Jack Spade. And I
SPADE is talking directly to the camera, which pans across
to reveal the SARGE, a thickset, muscular man sitting at a
desk behind Spade’s left shoulder.
Are you… talking to the wall?
Spade slowly turns. He’s a slender man with permanently
lowered eyebrows and a low, angry voice.
He waits a beat.
Sometimes it feels like it.
The Sarge puts down his latest paperwork. He’s barely
invested in the conversation, but still maintains a casual
control. He’s the boss.
I don’t like this, Jack. You’re
living in shades of gray.
I see it as more of a… sepia
Whatever. The department just took
on a new detective. I’m partnering
you. Maybe he’ll add a little color
to your life.
Spade is dismayed.
Before he can respond, the door opens. A PIRATE steps in,
washing away the sepia tint and bringing vibrant color.
He’s got an eye patch, blouse, buckle boots, the works.
Ahoy! Cap’n Beard, at yer service!
Spade stands up, stuttering. He can’t believe it.
You’re a pirate!
Oh, ya noticed.
Like I said, colorful.
Spade whips back to the Sarge, leaning close so that he can
Sarge. I asked for a partner, not a
Halloween costume. My detective
work hinges on a bleak, urban,
pessimist ambiance. You’re
partnering me with a pirate. You
don’t see the issue here?
Sarge sighs. He does see the issue.
Yeah, yeah, look: His father’s a
pirate king… He donated a lot of
booty to this institution… the
point is, he’s a pirate. And your
Spade takes his seat. Beard is sitting beside him.
“Beard,” huh? Have any nicknames?
They call me “Rumbeard.” I drink
hearty, and after the third keg me
hand-eye coordination be scuppered.
Seeing Spade is at a loss for words, Beard goes on.
It catches fire easy. I answer to
Jack turns back to the Sarge pleadingly.
I’m putting you on the Southside
Smuggling case. There’s a witness
in the conference room now. Get
They started to stand up.
Oh, yeah, almost forgot: I’m giving
you a third partner.
Sarge gestures over to the far corner, where a man in a
boring business suit sits. He’s non-threatening and just
Hi guys! I’m excited to be working